I love you. By the virtue of you reading these words, and taking the time check out this post, know that the opening statement of this blog has been written in embodied sincerity. You are holding the space for me to offer my most sincere expression. That’s your love: your time, space and attention. Holding the words from my soul within your soul too. I thank you for the act of love that you’re offering by reading this, and I want to acknowledge and reciprocate it by opening the post in a clear and concise way; I love you too.
I dig that definition of love; ‘time, space and attention’. I first heard it from author Fredrick Dodson in reference to relaxation. He suggested that by holding our own tension in love, by giving it the time, space and attention it wants instead of resisting it (and wishing that it would go away), it would soften. The idea isn’t to love that tension just to make it leave. The idea is to let go of that ulterior motive, and just sincerely offer the time and space towards witnessing that tension. Do so without judgement. See what it has to say.
Tension and stress get such a bad rap nowadays because of the suffering caused when these states become chronically active. Truth is, they are extremely powerful allies when you make friends with them. When you set an intention, you purposely choose to be ‘in-tension’. Think of it like an archer drawing back her bow. The archer meets resistance in pulling the bowstring, placing herself in tension, then releases the arrow towards her intended target. Resistance, tension, acute stress all necessary in order for her to hit the mark.
One year ago at Causeway Living’s "Giant Awakening" - January 4th, 2020.
AYAHUASCA
I feel so blessed to have been set on the path of deep introspection and self-discovery in my young adulthood. It was six years ago to the day that I crossed the threshold into a life that would be dedicated to these intentions. My first Ayahuasca ceremony; January 7th, 2015. In planning my upcoming book, this time in my life was due to have a full chapter dedicated to it. It ended up needing three. I read a section of one of those chapters for 2020’s Causeway Living Christmas message, check it out now below:
I had certainly placed myself in tension with the intention to regain my health from chronic illness, which ultimately lead to a lot of trials and tribulations on route to Peru. I set intentions during my stay in the Amazon that placed me in tension for my return home as well. I intended not only to continue on the path of inner work, but to surround myself with like-minded others as well. I also wanted to use what had happened in regaining my health, to help those others. I knew it was important not to let that miracle end with me.
The vehicle for completing all of the intentions from Peru ended up being Causeway Living. I have used this business for my own continued personal development, while at the same time building a huge community of thousands both online and at least hundreds in person through my weekly, free Dash & Splash events in my hometown of Bangor, Northern Ireland. The tension created by this at times almost completely broke me, on numerous occasions. I sacrificed relationships, time, finances and more to hit my mark.
SUCCESS
There’s no denying that the tension I placed myself in was worthwhile. I hit the bullseye of all bullseyes. I found real purpose in my life for the first time and was massively successful in fulfilling God’s plan. That might seem like a strange way to frame it, as “God’s plan”. I hope you understand that I use those words deliberately, with consideration and nuance. I’m not talking about some old, bearded white man sitting on a cloud. I’m talking about becoming aligned with my most authentic Self; the witnessing presence.
I hit a point around mid-2019 when I realised that the intentions I had set in Peru had all been fulfilled. I wasn’t clear in my next steps from there. I at least knew to continue doing what I was doing, if nothing else. The intentions didn’t just disappear by simply having fulfilled them. There was now a void, however. The bowstring felt slack. It took some physical pain reoccurring and developing some persistent tendinitis to guide me over the next 18 months to a new target. A similar, but less severe repetition of what ocurred years before.
On the path toward rediscovering optimal health and well-being once again, I’ve hired coaches, found mentors, developed consistent habits and gone DEEP inward. A repeat of the energy that carried me to great things before, over six years ago. Searching for wellness and being driven deep inside at that time of my life too, I undertook a sixty-day juice fast and went on a pilgrimage to Peru. I completed the same fast a week ago today, at the time of writing. I gained massive clarity on my new intentions. I’ve lifted my bow again.
INTENTION
Throughout my life, I have often been described as ‘gentle’. For most of my life, I hated this perception held of me. It was a source of great shame and frustration that it would frequently come up and be mentioned in a positive, loving way by people who meant well. I was so ashamed of it. It seemed so soft, and made me feel weak. Perhaps because for most of my life, that was true: I was weak. Now that I am strong, my gentle nature provides a beautiful balance. I now not only accept my gentle nature, but I love and embrace it.
This has been a big part of setting my new intentions. Rather than pulling the bowstring back in a death grip, hyper focused with beads of sweat running down my forehead, I choose to be more gentle. This requires faith, and trust. In the past when I was less aligned with my most authentic Self, I compensated for a lack of faith by trying to force life to meet my expectations. I worked so hard to try and contrive Causeway Living into fitting what I thought it had to be. I’m now relaxing into what Causeway Living wants to be.
I take aim now with a surety that I will hit my mark, because I do so with a spaciousness that allows for life to unfold in the manner that it needs to. That doesn’t mean complete passivity to life; it’s still necessary to nock arrows. It means firing for the joy of firing, and not just solely to hit the bullseye. Letting go at the point of tension and watching the arrow fly, rather than trying to force it or push it through the air. The latter makes hitting an intended target much more difficult anyway. Same action, very different approach.
FUTURE
So how does this look in a practical sense? If you’ve read my recent blog posts, you should have a pretty good sense of how that’s going to look already. I’m listening to my soul’s call to be writer. You may have noticed that these blog posts have become more frequent, as I listen to my deepest desire to express the light I feel inside myself. I have created the space to write the book about how I regained my health and found my purpose, and how others can walk the same path. My aim is to have this out sometime early 2021.
Completing my book will be the fulfillment of a big intention. Like my other intentions of helping others and building community, it won’t end there though. It adds to the list, as I’ll continue writing my blog, and stay open to whatever book decides to come through me next. That may require some more adventure and life lived first. I want to live in different parts of the world. Thailand, South America, perhaps set up camp in Spain or one of it’s islands (once my Irish passport comes through!) and learn their language fluently.
I know a big part of my future will be continuing to work with people on a 1-to-1 basis. Facilitating inner journeys similar to the one I continue to walk myself, and receive mentorship in personally too. Using tools that I’ve learnt first hand from world renowned masters like Wim Hof, such as breathwork and the cold. Finding safe and legal places to guide medicine journeys, the likes of which I first encountered six years ago to the day with don Howard Lawler, RIP. Tonight I’m going to reminisce on that experience by watching this:
This documentary was shot in January 2016 (one year exactly after I was there) by a fellow Irishman, Gav Hoffman, half a decade before today’s post. The documentary wasn’t released until late 2019; not long after the passing of don Howard Lawler, maestro and shaman emeritus of SpiritQuest Sanctuary, near Iquitos, Peru. I hold an intention to return there this time next year, God willing it’s possible, January 2022. I hold the intention gently however, trusting that particular arrow to find it’s mark when the time is right.
Thank you once again for taking the time to hold this expression of my soul. Our most ancient myths and legends point to a heroic way of being: the hero was a master of vision and speech. The dragon-slaying, Babylonian God-King, Marduk had extra eyes and spoke magic words. A powerful representation and metaphor for finding your inner sovereignty through vision and speech. You’ve taken the time to look at and read this post, which is only half of the hero’s duty on route to becoming their own King or Queen.
Just as ‘vision’ shouldn’t be taken so literally as to mean looking outward, ‘speech’ doesn’t necessarily mean to literally verbalise. Vision also means to look inward, which in the act of reading this, I can’t help but feel you’ll be forced to do and assess your own intentions. Even though speech can mean an expression in words (e.g. the way I’ve done in this post), it can mean any form of outward expression. ‘Action’ is perhaps a better word to describe what the hero engages in. Look honesty, and take action based upon what you see.
Now that you’ve looked, what action will you take?
