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Today, I’m choosing to share a picture I took on the same beach this morning. There’s an interesting juxtaposition between the two photos: one anonymous at sunset, the other in my full expression at sunrise. It’s poetically fitting to my personal journey the past month.
When I started this venture five years ago today, I had no idea where it was going to take me, but in hindsight I can see the road was always leading back to myself. I discovered my ‘true’ self through the story of ‘myself’, and recognised that I am not my story. The closest story I have found to the Truth, is simply, “I am”, and anything added to the end of those two words creates limitation.
Any attempt to put this knowledge into words is like a toddler with a crayon trying to recreate the Mona Lisa. I feel like the last year or so in particular I’ve embodied more knowledge of the Truth than ever before, and the recent passing of my beloved friend Kaja held up a mirror to let me see that.
As a human, I am not a being in nature; I am nature in a being. I experience the seasons, reaching a zenith at midsummer, and a nadir at the winter solstice. Never before has this felt so explicit to me, after a real peak at my Solstice Splash event, seeing how far I’d come from midwinter past.
It’s so bright outside, but it’s only just after 5am. I went to sleep much later than usual last night; maybe I’ll just lay down and listen to a guided meditation, and if I fall asleep, I fall asleep. These were some of the early morning thoughts that followed the previous day spent mostly outdoors. What these thoughts lead to felt very strange, and I can’t ascribe specific meaning to what unfolded, but I do feel moved to share it. I also want to share about life in general with a new blog post; it’s been a while since the last one.
In getting to better understand the different parts of myself, it’s been easier to find self love. In the past I’ve had suicidal thoughts, and for a long time I judged that part of myself. I can now see that the suicidal part was just trying to care for me, and end my suffering. With better understanding, it’s easier to have compassion for the parts of myself that I judged e.g. The over-eating part of myself? Just trying to soothe another wounded, lonely part, and so on.
Have you ever struggled with depression and wondered why? For me, it’s a familiar feeling that goes back as far as I remember. I wouldn’t have had the language to describe it that way when I was a kid. I just remember being a sad, mopey child, and not knowing why. Nobody else seemed to understand either. I had everything going for me; I was a healthy, intelligent, handsome (albeit overweight) little boy.
The Wim Hof Method (WHM) has officially gone mainstream. Benefits like a strengthened immune system and reduced stress help explain why, especially in today’s society. It is a simple practice that offers huge results, and all it takes is focused breathing, cold immersion and commitment. A book about the method penned by Wim Hof has become a Sunday Times Bestseller. The WHM has recently featured in a full episode of Gwyneth Paltro’s Netflix series, ‘The Goop Lab’. I’ve had the privilege of watching the WHM grow, during more than half a decade of practicing it myself.
Jumping off the private jet in Abu Dhabi with enough ice for Conor’s Proper Twelve Whiskey, there’s still enough in the hold for ice baths to sober back up, ahead of his big fight this Sunday. Great craic altogether, working with the world’s highest performers, teaching what I’ve learnt by looking inward, connecting to my True Self and sharing the means by which others can do the same. Living my purpose as a teacher and healer, getting to travel, enjoy the sunshine, meet inspirational others living their purpose too. An honour to be paid so handsomely for having the time of my life.
“It’s loneliness! Of course it is.” I woke at approximately 6am on Friday morning, with crystal clarity on the answer to a mystery that’d recently arisen inside of me. In the week since completing another sixty day juice fast, I was forced to question my entire way of being. It’s something I’ve done to varying degrees since my first sixty day juice fast, six and a half years earlier. I had just broken new ground in my self-analysis, getting to a root cause of many of my unconscious needs and behaviours.
I had certainly placed myself in tension with the intention to regain my health from chronic illness, which ultimately lead to a lot of trials and tribulations on route to Peru. I set intentions during my stay in the Amazon that placed me in tension for my return home as well. I intended not only to continue on the path of inner work, but to surround myself with like-minded others too. I also wanted to use what had happened in regaining my health, to help others. I knew it was important not to let that miracle end with me.
Now just four days on the other side of a second extended fast, I feel moved to share the experience while still deeply connected to it and still within the process. It became a deeply spiritual journey, even though it may not have necessarily began that way. In hindsight, that was a similarity shared with the first fast over half a decade ago. What started as a physical challenge, became a spiritual quest that lead to the jungles of Peru.
Slow down; just be.
Look. See. Stop. Breathe.
This opens a big door for me. The life I see in 2021, does not take place in Northern Ireland. I won’t be away in the first quarter of the year, as I have commitments to keep and loose ends to tie up. However, I do intend on spreading my wings and developing as a person through living in a new environment when it’s possible again (global travel situation pending). I’m not saying I won’t be back, either.
Now one third of the way through the sixty-day juice fast I decided to undertake while writing my upcoming book, I wanted to share progress before going into the next forty days of fasting. I decided to post the prologue here in my blog so you have an idea of what’s to come, as well as the first draft concept cover art.
I realised sometime last year that the intentions I’d set in Peru to help others improve their life circumstances and build a community of like-minded others at home were fulfilled. I always thought the final chapter of that story would be going back to Peru to bring closure, but I’d ignored something important.
The turning point of my health improving actually started with a 60 day juice fast that I began at the time of booking my trip to Peru. That really was the first big step for me, and it’s going to be the last big step in my upcoming book, as I intend to commit to another 60 day juice fast, beginning this Monday.
It’s just over a week since local sea swimmer Mary Feeney passed away near Skippingstone Beach in Bangor. That place has been home to Dash & Splash for over three years and holds a lot of incredible memories, but now also a very sad one.
This Sunday past at Dash & Splash I hoped to help bring some closure to the tragedy, so that swimmers felt okay to get back in the water here by holding a minute’s silence at the beginning of the event, in memory of Mary and what happened.
It’s not just my own lived experience of chronic illness that makes me so confident that repressed desires and emotions lead to mental and physical illness (which ultimately act as the impetus to start listening to whatever you’ve been repressing and in hindsight, you can see as your greatest teachers).
Dr. Gabor Maté details this phenomena out beautifully in his best selling book, ‘When The Body Says No’. When I read it, it was like reading about myself, and a confirmation of how when I did the internal work and followed my gut, the body didn’t have to use pain to get my attention anymore.
And while I’m endlessly blessed with a roof over my head, enough food, great people around me, loving family, my health back, living my dream of getting to help others, I’m not immune from getting those dark thoughts from time to time as well. I’ve discovered a lot of tools that help mitigate it and I share those through Causeway Living and life is always still on an upward trend but there are definitely still dips in the roller-coaster. If you have those dips too, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and better to speak about it.
Today I find myself living alone for the first time in my 30 years, yet in some ways I’ve never felt more connected, having the support and love from both an amazing local community and friends so close that the feel like family from all over the world.
