Jumping off the private jet in Abu Dhabi with enough ice for Conor’s Proper Twelve Whiskey, there’s still enough in the hold for ice baths to sober back up, ahead of his big fight this Sunday. Great craic altogether, working with the world’s highest performers, teaching what I’ve learnt by looking inward, connecting to my True Self and sharing the means by which others can do the same. Living my purpose as a teacher and healer, getting to travel, enjoy the sunshine, meet inspirational others living their purpose too. An honour to be paid so handsomely for having the time of my life.
In the extraordinary series of events that have unfolded over the course of my life recently, the above scenario would be right up there with the most incredible. I’m actually writing these words on a cold, wet, Wednesday morning at home in Northern Ireland. Although on the surface that might seem boring by comparison to the picture I’d painted in the Persian Gulf, I can promise it’s been anything but. Looking past the external situation, I feel moved to share the adventure I’ve had in mapping out my internal world. Before getting deep into Self, I want to stay with this visualisation.
Being honest, I wouldn’t really want to be the Emirates in this moment. While supporting a great and famous athlete seems like a dream scenario, that’s not my dream right now. If I found myself at UFC 257 this Sunday in McGregor’s corner, I would find myself there with ulterior motives. This will be good for my profile. My social media following will go through the roof. It’ll be amazing for my business; demand will be huge to work with the guy who trains elite performers like Conor. With limited supply and demand, I can charge ridiculous money to those who want to work with me.
TRUE DESIRE
When I connect to my authentic Self; is there actually any desire to be rich and famous? Certainly not as an end goal to aim at. I feel like being incredibly well known would be more of a burden than a benefit, but one worth carrying to spread the message of what I’m doing with more people. I feel the same about being financially rich. The man who shares ‘The Notorious’ Conor McGregor’s nickname once said, “mo’ money, mo’ problems”. The Notorious B.I.G. had a point, but I also see it like, “mo’ money, mo’ opportunities”. The money isn’t the important thing; it’s what can be done with it .
So does the end justify the means? It seldom ever does. Looking past the present to a better future is something I’ve tried basing my life around, and the past weeks have been teaching me that all we ever have is the present. Tomorrow never comes. If I was in the Etihad Arena this weekend to teach the benefits of the cold to Conor McGregor, deep down hoping it would lead to my personal gain, I’d be removing myself from my true desires. Don’t get me wrong, there’s certainly a reality where my present desire and training high-profile athletes overlaps, but that isn’t it right Now.
What do I actually want right Now? I want the time and space to heal. I haven’t felt awesome either mentally, physically or emotionally for a while, and I’m listening to these signals and seeing what they have to teach me. I don’t want to be distracted by busying myself in ‘doing’, chasing the dream of a better tomorrow. I want to focus on what’s happening in my present. I’m extraordinarily privileged to be able to do that in this moment, and focus on ‘being’ instead. I’m very clear in this and that’s only thanks to internal practices that have offered me a relationship with my True Self.
THE SELF
Through years and different modalities of looking inward, I understand who my most authentic Self is, and can connect with him. Not always perfectly, and it’ll be an ongoing practice of polishing the mirror, but it’s a vast difference to when I was almost entirely blind to who I am. I spent most of my life without a clue about who I am. I once saw this in a vision. There was a jigsaw puzzle and all of the pieces were made from other people, society, the external word. Just one puzzle piece was missing in the middle. I was the missing piece, my shape preset and defined by the other pieces.
In the years that followed, I realised how deep this vision was. It’s one of the many visions and understandings I’d spend years unpacking from my time in Peru. Exactly six years ago, I would’ve still been there in the middle of that adventure. I’ve spent the time in between figuring out who I am: the witness. Consciousness. In a future post I may detail this out further and offer an insight into the many parts of my self, including this True and authentic part. When I’m connected to my True Self, it’s in the here and now, and it’s always clear what to do in this present moment.
That’s where I find my real desire and hear my intuitive voice. I don’t want to be rich and famous just because that’s what society tells me what success is. The puzzle pieces of expectation from society, culture, family, friends don’t outline the boundaries of my True Self. It has it’s clear and defined shape. It has clear desires and wants that I’ve only been able to tune into by really learning how to quiet my mind and fears and programming. Like I said, that’s an ongoing journey, but it’s a road I’ve already walked a long way down which allows me to see who I am more clearly.
MY INTUITION
So back to Abu Dhabi; if SGB Ireland phoned and wanted to throw money to get me on a jet to help out their main man this Sunday in his big fight, I’d have to respectfully decline the offer. I certainly wouldn’t be closed to a similar opportunity in future if it felt right, but for now I’ve got bigger fish to fry. I know my next steps are to continue my path of self-healing and self-learning. It’s hard but it feels right. Intuition speaks the language of feeling, not thinking. It comes from the heart, not the head. While the path I’m on has no specific ulterior motive, I do sense where it’s leading.
Healing, deeper connection to my authenticity, being present, allowing myself to follow where life wants to go. These all allow for something much greater than I could contrive with my mind. Thinking and pushing and ‘doing’ to force life in a specific direction hasn’t served me well. All of the best moments in my life so far have come from following meaningful coincidences, and what felt right. All I’ve got to do is continue putting myself more into alignment with that way of being. It’s a simple matter of keeping faith that doing so will always lead to the best possible outcomes.
Simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy. The faith and trust required to live following my intuition has been hugely challenging for me. That’s the core of my spirituality; relax, let go, have faith and trust. Most of my life has been the complete opposite; never stop doing, always have a backup plan, allow fear of ‘what-if’ future scenarios to control my present. This is my ongoing process, learning to lean into the former while integrating the positives and what I learnt by doing the latter. I know this can only lead to more moments of joy, love and connection I’ve found in recent years.
IT’S WORTH IT
Moments of joy and bliss and hope act as a buffer again the inevitable suffering that comes as part of the human experience. I still carry a lot of sadness from my past, but it seldom ever dominates my entire being for long, thanks to my connection to the True Self. That’s where real joy is found. I feel like ‘joy’ is similar but unique to each individual. If we all loved exactly the same things, the world would be a much less interesting place. However, I think the themes of connection, beauty, freedom, novelty and others tie together the many ways in which people experience their joy.
To help those without a strong connection to Self or where their joy is, I want to share some of the ways I experience my joy, or have done in the past (in no particular order). Writing. Playing with a dog. Doing hand balances with my friends outside in the sunshine. Being with a woman who gives me that, ‘wow, is this really my life?’ feeling. Sharing the things I’m passionate about with someone who can see beauty in the same e.g. hiking in the mountains, sunsets, immersing in cold water, building a campfire etc. The list is pretty much endless. A big one is in helping others.
Maybe someday my intuition will lead me on and off a private jet with Conor McGregor, but not today. For those curious about where those pictures come from, it was following my intuition and joy. A few years ago now, after seeing the original photo of Conor jacking my style in his green hoodie, my friends helped me to recreate the same pose and photo (with a bit of help from photoshop). We had an awesome laugh creating it. Connection. Where do you intuitively find joy? What one thing can you do today to step into that? Let me know in a comment.
Much love and thanks for your time and attention,
